Just had the most insightful convo with my 12 almost 13 years of marriage husband around arguments. Enjoy:
Men argue like this: kids want "sauce" to accompany their chicken nuggets so they yell out they need some sauce. Dad gets up and gets ketchup because that's what they normally eat. Dad sits down figures they are done. He eats a bit and finds out, no they needed BBQ sauce and mom wants water. He gets up gets it. He sits down, starts eating again and he notices he has no forks. He gets up again. This happens the entire meal the family is done but dad is frustrated. Women argue like this: kids want "sauce" and she goes to the fridge, and the cabinets gets 3 different kinds and grab forks and knives and napkins too... she over does it. She is hoping to not have to get up again. Dad is frustrated that she has taken so much time to get what they want. What's the difference? Men like to one and hopeful done. Women like to pull out almost any and everything to completely obliterate it. Both without understanding of each others thought process can be difficult to swallow.
3 Tips to Argue Better
1. Understand And Appreciate That You Argue Differently
Based on my true story above you will see that we as men and wile tend to argue just a little differently from each other. But what we do with that info is all the news. Knowing that your partner thinks differently should help you understand their method. If you understand who they are then you can successfully manipulate your message to be in tune with how they hear. This way your partner feels like you understand them and are responding to their feelings. If they want a one and done then say that you understand that but you would like to cover a few more topics under the same playlist. This will help calm the defensiveness and balance the want to work through the issues.
2. Get To The Heart Of The Matter
I like working hard to discover exctky what the issue is so we can dive in and work through and around the complexity of the total issue. This takes time and a one and done method may be frustrated with this process. But if we explain each to other what the root issue is and the super powerful thing that is frustrating then both parties can work less to get to a resolve. For men this means a shorter aruguement and for women this means less emotional drag to get your point across.
3. Prepare To Resolve
if you aren't expecting to effectively resolve an issue you won't. You can't be effective if you don't share with each other your end result intentions. Immediately when an argument starts tell your partner this is something you want to resolve amicably. This let's all powerful anger subdue a little. It's tellin anger that is lurking in the atmosphere that you are agreeing already that you are on the same team. This immediately allows tensions to die and peace to step in and be helpful to the situation.
I'd love to hear from you. Did this work for you? Did you share this message? I want the best for you and I am believing the best for you.
Life coach & Business Coach